The Momma in the Middle

I don't have time to write this blog post. I still have a TON of client work due today. I still have overdue fall challenge posts I was suspposed to be publishing here. I still have to announce that my freelance website has been completely revamped and that you should all go check it out: www.tiffanyaller.com . All of that junk aside, here's why I'm posting today: because I have such a very important reminder for you. Yes, YOU. (Quick note: if you aren't a believer, now's a good time to exit. We'll see you at the next post.) God loves you.  God loves you when times are good. God loves you when times are bad. God loves you when YOU are bad. God loves you when frustration takes over. God loves you when blessings return. (God wants you to know that even in the midst of the worst kinds of frustration, there's still blessings to be found - they never left you after all.) Here's why I know this to be true. My life has been less than p...

Howdy again, ya'll! Yes, WEEK TWO of my FALL SELF-CARE CHALLENGE is coming to you a couple weeks late. Sometimes, life goes off the rails a bit and we have to take time to address much larger goings-on. In my case, my best friend's sweet baby boy passed away unexpectedly and that was a much more important focus than blogging. It still is, honestly. If I could cut myself in two and send half of me back to PA, where I was last week, I would do so. But I had to get back to Texas to care for my own babies and get back up to speed in my work life, so here I am...blathering to you. So about this self-care stuff... Well, honestly, I barely got started. So here's to new new  beginnings, right? Because it's never too late or too early to begin again anew. So to recap... The first three changes I wanted to incorporate in my life to create better balance were: 1. Stop Watching the Clock, 2. Stop Denying My Inner Clock, and 3. Quit With Arbitrary Rules. Have you tri...

Howdy, folks! As I alluded to on my personal Facebook last week (it's time to make a change, ya'll) and on The Momma in the Middle's FB page (new series coming, ya'll), I'm embarking on the journey of life changes. Why, you ask? Because today is my 38th birthday! Or, as my kids are teasingly referring to it this year, today is the 9th anniversary of my 29th birthday. I'm not where I thought I would be in life at this age or stage. But then again, are you? In conversations with other women and moms - and, also, other adults in general, regardless of gender - I'm finding that it's pretty common to be unexpectedly on a different track or in a different place or station than expected. You've got your reasons. I've got mine. Those reasons aren't going to help us get to where we want to be, however. Making changes and making our way to where we DO want to be in life is hard work. Very, very, very hard work. Which is - confession tim...

Over the past few years, the entire focus of my life has been my children and my paid and volunteer work. For myself, I visit Sonic to get cherry cokes, read a few books a week, get my haircut twice a year, and take myself on a solo date to the movies every so often. I've had a two or three nights out with girlfriends in the past couple years and attended a few events with my kids. Well, and going back to school was something for me, but that's been on hiatus pending resolutions to life and health issues and likely won't resume for another year or two. Apparently, that means I need to get a life. Or add something meaningful to my life that's "just for me." I've gotten that advice from therapists, women's groups I belong to, friends and my pastor. And I know it's valid advice. I just don't know how to enact it. So for this post, I'm going to try to hearken back to my days as an airline employee, where the advice is given during eve...

One of my very favorite things about summer is sleeping in. And I game the system...I let the kids stay up later, knowing they need more sleep than me. That means I can still sleep late AND still wake up before the kids do. That's when I get my morning peace. It's not peace because I am managing to get kiddo free time. I've recently been urged to seek more of that...to plan better for my self care and personal needs outside of the kids. And that's criticism well taken. I get it. I have made the kiddos the center of my world, and myself the center of theirs. So I work, I volunteer, and I mom. The advice I received, from fellow moms and my new pastor, focuses on also addressing me. And I will. In due time. No, my morning peace is because I'm marveling on the kids even as I awaken before them and enjoy a bit of quiet before they roll into action for the day. They've invaded my bed again. To my left are my daughter and my female dog, cuddled. On my right, my so...

Words matter. A lot. As a professional writer with decades of experience producing tens of thousands of words every month for clients, and having published thousands of blog posts and a handful of books, I spend tremendous amounts of time considering words and word choice. And that's why I've decided that I am officially retiring the term "single mom." It's not an accurate description, it's often said with disdain or in derision, it feels degrading, and it just needs to go. Actually, I'm not just retiring the term. I'm murdering that bee-otch. Let's discuss why by breaking it down. In the two-word phrase, the second word is just fine. By virtue of having kids, I am a mom. First, I was a fur-mom to my dogs and cats. Then a God-mom to my beautiful God-daughters. And finally a mom to my wonderful son and daughter and an extra mom to a zillion of their friends who regularly invade my house. Now let's examine the first word, which i...

Christmas has come to the Aller kids! I shared a months ago that we had a minimalist Christmas this past year, due to health and financial reasons, plus gearing up to move. Instead of tons of presents I didn't have the cash to buy, I bought a few very special things to give on December 25th (although Santa gave them more), and for Orthodox Christmas on January 7th, I gave the kids voucher books for items promised later. Later was today! The kiddos each got a new bike (their old bikes were stolen last fall), a new helmet, and new roller skates (the only skates they've had before were those Fisher Price things that go over shoes and are meant for little kids). Boy are they excited! I took them to the store, gave them their budget, and off they went! And guess what they'll be doing the rest of today until we head to VBS tonight? And I love that these are all active items to get them off their butts! The rest of the voucher items are still due to them.....

I normally go all-out at Christmas, in terms of decorating, celebrating, and gift giving. This year, not so much. Several weeks of my life between Thanksgiving and Christmas got sucked up in a miasma of sickness, and it's changed my whole approach to the holiday season this year. See, I got pneumonia the week of Thanksgiving and was admitted to the hospital the following week for what would become a 10-day stay, followed by a week of bed rest at home. That's the time I normally would have spent decking my halls to the nines - my Christmas decorations, when packed away, fill a walk-in closet, floor to ceiling. I dress up the whole front yard. The tree gets decked and then some. And every room in the house gets other decorations as well. It didn't happen this year. We were lucky to get the tree up about a week ago. A few other treasured decorations made it out several days after that. As late as yesterday and today, the kids were bringing a few other things out to use...

I'm famous - or is it infamous? - for my love affair with Sonic. I even had publicity photos for my business taken while holding a Sonic cup. Obsessed much? LOL! I go to Sonic every day. Sometimes multiple times each day. I'm on a first-name share-real-life-stories basis with all of the managers at my Sonic, as well as many of the carhops. In fact, when someone new gets hired, they introduce me to them. Isn't that a hoot? My order each trip is simple: cherry coke, no ice. Yum! Contrary to popular belief, however, I don't spend a ton of money at Sonic - I get lots of coupons and free Route 44's for doing surveys - so I only spend $10 or less at Sonic each week. I rarely get food, as I eat most meals at home, but I can definitely say that when I do get food, it's always delicious. Contrary to another popular belief, I don't just go to Sonic because I love their cherry cokes. I do, mind you. Love their cherry cokes, that is. There's something ...

Something that could be seen as very bad happened yesterday. I'm not ready to share about it publicly, but what I can tell you is that I wept for about two hours afterwards before pulling myself together. And I don't cry all that easily. But then...my fabulous friend and housemate Yolanda, and my awesome neighbor Theresa, gave me some wonderful words of wisdom and I was able to re-find my calm and get to a better mental place. Doing so allowed me to see the "very bad happening" as a terrific opportunity instead of a horrific loss. And, as always, I prayed my butt off and really felt peace from the Lord blanketing me as well. How often, in life, do we get caught up in "poor me" situations where we get stuck focusing just on things that go wrong and miss out on the opportunity to take a different path or enter a different door? It's so easy to feel down on life. And once we do it for awhile, that "down-ness" is something we get stuck in. And ...

I realized tonight that I was happy. Not just content to have arrived successfully at the end of the day. Not just relieved that most of what needed to get done mostly did. Not just thankful that more bits and pieces of nonsense didn't get kicked up. Actually. Happy. How did I come to this moment of happiness, you ask? While scooping cat poop. Stop it. I'm being serious. I had a zen moment while cleaning out the many litterboxes used by my feline overlords. Remember: Actually. Happy. Just...while holding cat poop. See, I'd come home from this month's city council meeting, picked the kiddos up from the wonderful neighbor who was watching them, and bundled them all off to bed, lickity split. Silence in the house by 8:45 - that's enough to warrant its own zen moment right there. Next up was bundling myself off to bed - I'm fresh off a 10-day hospital stay for pneumonia and need all the rest I can get. But... But... The litterboxes need...